If I could go back in time...

I was playing a show about a year and a half ago with my brother Gabe. We have a band, From Midnight On, and we had a weekly gig at a local bar, Walnut Hills. I don't remember the exact date but we always played on a Wednesday night from 10-midnight and beyond. On this particular night, I didn't want to play. I felt fine but I just didn't care. It was the same thing, the same music, and the same people.

I was bitchy all night. I remember my fiance motioning towards me while I was playing with one of those "stop being a shit/come on/be happy/what's wrong?/smile" looks. I didn't play my best and the worst part was that I didn't care.

In the crowd that night were the closest people to me. My friends Ryan Hines, Clay Brett, Adam Remillard, Luke Rodgers, Frenchy, Nate Woodard, George Ertle, an John Tokarz. My family was all there as well. My Mom, Dad, sister Erika and more. These people and a few more were my group, my friends, my family.. my life.

Not one person I listed above is here with me now. I haven't seen anyone on that list for over a month. In fact, not one person I mentioned even lives in Ohio anymore!

I'm trying not to whine too much and I don't want to turn Dayton2Vegas.com into a 14 year-old's Xanga. I don't have it rough. My life has been extremely easy compared to almost anyone I know, but things are definitely different now.

My brother Gabe was over a few days ago and we had an amazing time. He's my best friend. We talked about so many memories. It was a lot of fun. However, at every point in my life I've been able to say that one day I'd look back on it and miss it. I think this is the first time I can't say that and it hurts more than you could ever know.